* My stigmata's acting up.

* I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

* I have a rare case of 48-hour wrist leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...

* I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

* I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

* The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

* I prefer to remain an enigma....it's Monday.

* My stepmother has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace.

* I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

* I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

* I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

* I was up on a ladder decorating the Christmas tree when my mother called me and told me I was Jewish.

* I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!